Wednesday, February 15, 2006
better is one day without st john's. shikashi, anatankatawa? i've been participating less and less in this place, i've been isolating myself more and more from the people i choose not to get to know. work is one the major reasons, i wake up before evevybody does, and when i come back to put down my pathology book they're still in bed. when they're at the canteen on time for meals, i'm up there working. when they're almost done, i'm there sitting with them sometimes but i honestly don't wanna talk, they have no idea how draining medicine is to me, and i'm sick of talking about hall stuff. something that they go on and on, because it's the only politically correect thing to say here, it's the only thing that matters here, it's the only way to gain praises here. imagine one day without st john's, bombed, sublimed, bankrupt, what's gonna happen to this bunch of communist bootcamp redheads? their life revolves around getting new "quaulity" blood into this instituion with duties they set for themselves and culture they think they have are excellent. the samuri went seppuku when meiji revolution took place; a modern hong kong version of that will be simply an overwhelming sense of void: depression. some people just have so much time they can spend in front of ps2 for 5hrs a day (no discipline right?), they can scream, talk and cuss loud about food and ballgames. it's laughable what they're promoting in here. excellence right? they only count the things that they can see in accordance to their scores. things that they can't see? who gives. their sense of belonging comes from the craving for a USSR-esque affirmation from a commune where people date amoung themselves. lucky draws that everybody will win at least a 2$ coupon for mcdonald's happy meals. what really turns me off the most is there self-inflation, making every single trivial occation sound like wedding. they can talk and make themselves look like saints (with the sjc definition), they can explain to you why they're doing this. but there's just nothing to monitor where their motivation comes from eventually. there's nothing to monitor their neglegence to self-discipline and academics. can't they just sit down, shut their face and get on with their work? a good friend of mine took up a post and was unable to contribute fully will get publically mocked on a board, i feel really sorry for her and i feel even more sorry the people who think they're so right. so right as in they so have the right to do that. explainations won't work because they are so brainwashed to think that everything can be justified under the darn name of the college. it's just a cholra college for shibal's sake. everything else, is unimportant. regular class skivers gets condemned at the graduation ceremony will get 24-7 heroic reception at st john's. and that's all they care. yes the naked truth is that she can't be bothered, but is there anyone to substitute? physically she cannot cope with the duties, emotionally she has become completely inert to stjohnism. change of priorities. it is because she realized that there're only 90 days left to study the 6 blocks in medicine, she understood that working minimum is not good enough nor ethical to become a doctor. people in this building don't see the crisis ex-sjc-ers face after they graduate. it's almost like a mecca for drug addicts. the most devoted ones HAVE to come back because they can't leave, because they can't practice stjohnism outside st johns. in other words, the world outside is nothing like st john's. it might be worse, more complicated in a sense that u can't do things that everbody tells you to do, and you don't always get recognize with things people can see, and you can't only do things that people can see. it's better in the sense that there's usually not as much peer pressure. but let me tell ya something, honkies NEED peer pressure to survive. where to eat? eeh.. i don't mind. u? don't mind. u? don't mind. u? don't mind. shall we go to KFC? er.. no.. hmm no.. kcf? no.. eh.. no. undecisive uneducated parasites.
ooh they just came back from their inefficient ballgames practices, the place smells, and the place is loud.
i'm oula here.
"hi sam" "eh? sorry ur too loud, i can't hear you. when's your exam?" and before they could answer i've already walked away
trapped in the maze of time..1:36 AM