Wednesday, June 15, 2005
You don't see me writing here as often, proses with substance drain energy. that's why on an average day of school i'll be sitting in front of my computer feeling the energy like a mercury column that drains from the vertex of my hair to the distal cell of my toe nails. i'm famous for leaving out stuff in sentences (catch my syntax), must be the japanese training, the beauty of pronoun ommision and sluring. but medicine just drives me even lazier.
Summer has come and i don't exactly feel the kind of excitement i anticipated, simply looking at the calendar this morning realizing the aganoizing truth that june has passed 15 days, i could think of nothing but to leave my jaw hang open. july is coming and september is si3 xian1 (literally death+line deadline) school will start again.
so much for all that apprehension, we never care too much about the things we already have. if you are rich, you don't care about money, if you are goodlooking, you don't care about how you look. completing MB1, i've finally and barely completed 20% of a baby step to the perpectual journey of becoming a doctor. i learnt to be late and care less about details as they're simply not worth the trouble; i walk slower and i talk slower. even so, i have never worked that hard all my life to be honest, not even my CE not even my GCE. grades are simply something not worthy to die for. when i read that they gave me a distinction for one of the papers it felt like winning a bet, and i kind of expected it, who on earth will actually take pbl's as serious as i do. i can be late for lectures for 2 hrs, i can scive lab practicals but i'm always early and there for pbl's. this year also posed a lot of challanges to me. getting extremely bored and fed up with latin words and minute diagrams but u still have to go on, thinking about hey i'd prolly dont wanna be a doctor anyway what da heck im doin here. i am really lazy, i realize, when i work, it's called obsession, when i don't work, that's called the natural equilibrium x=0 y=0 z=0 t=0.
when sjc people asked me to "contribute" to the cult during summer i was completely turned off, not that i'm lazy or i don't wanna give (zep that i give a crap, yes), summer is a life-saving time for me to recharge myself and get ready for all the frustrations and bones and holes in the skull i need to work on this coming term. selfish, yeah, whatever, the cult is a blackhole that sucks resources and returns with pain, sjc IS selfish herself, who gives? (j**sie chan?) don't be stupid. wasting time at the hall is equivalent to the stoppage of metabolism (aka vital processes): work goes on. they have no idea how hard it is to get along with them, it's like working in a psych hospital, (hey i worked there before and i tell ya peeps sjc is harder). the koreans invented this extremely indifferent term to express the ultimate rim of enough-is-enough, it goes like this "arassuh?!", close your eyes and imagine the worst byotch on earth and follow after me kids, accent on the last syllable there ya go well done. literally it means "is it good enough to your liking?" but really it's talking about "i've done my part, i'm fed up and i don't care what you think, end of story."
after this ssm? i'm gonna say no to data and spend my time reading, a couple of fictions i still need to finish (took me 2 years and counting, that's a world record). flying to australia and get my feet onto a piece of land i have never explored before. flying to malaysia for amsc then spend a few more days to really see the country instead of following a tour guide like black-haired happyreefriends with expensive gadgets.
i'll do everything to get away from all those ties in sjc, when autumn comes, i'll wake up from this summer dream, life will be more livable perhaps. arassuh??!
trapped in the maze of time..11:30 PM