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and for the umpteenth time...
 
Tuesday, March 22, 2005  

the KDDI Penck looks awesome, like a shiny egg proto when closed
1MP camera, qvga screen, stereo ringtones, mini SD slot
runs on EVDO network, what else can u ask for

went for pcpfl today, our patient was really really really optimistic about his cancer condition and all
we had dimsum and chatted for about an hr
gonng fill up the popr and logbook tonight

working on GI anatomy, pretty complicated but fun
answered a lot of questions when i was a kid

pretty tough at hall, so i get to use what i was trained to do
bashing
keep bashing
and jsut be honest
what are you afraid of, kid?
i know i have my point and my point shall be gotten through

this is what i wrote that brought sensations:

"Before reading this, heres a warning. Ooh this thing is going to be rude, really rude, but thats ok, since you guys are rude anyway.
Getting woken up at 3 o'clock you cannot expect anyone to be nice even with the most Mother Teresa-personality. This is not the first time I have complained about noise and apparently this is not going to be the last time. Why? Because I consider this as another kind of bullying, per se, frigging ripping people off from what they minimally and humanely deserve; and in this case, just a good night sleep. Dead easy. No brainer here. Is that too much to ask??
I have no idea when this message will start to get through. But what is wrong with you. I am solemnly and officially disgusted with whats going on. This is not only me but a lot others who gave up trying to complain.

1. Negligence: simply dont know. So harmless right? So easy to say. I shall start loud singings at 5am.
2. Inconsideration: simply dont care. Kick me. I shall leave loud music on at 170dB 4am.
3. Inconsistency with standards: simply blind to your faults and fail to put that into perspective. Why dont YOU go to class with me for a week, and try not wanting to kill somebody.
4. Absence / Lack of guilt feeling. Because nobody is rubbing this in!! you dont feeeeel its wrong, so subjectively its not.
5. Active turn-table-ism. Pretty much self-explanatory.

So warm-fuzzy in your culture right? University life is about not getting sleep at all and living like zombies 24-7. Where does that mystical ?? (zhao qi) come from in the 21st century? Caffeine. Right. Well-done. Part of human evolution. University is about gaining all the personal attention and the insecurity you guys deposited from high school. Don't we just love to talk, don't we all just looove to sound bossy. Nothing much, just a Sony 3D-wow effect. Wow. Guess what we just had a 40 hr meeting, such an achievement right? Naah. It does not nor it should nor it can practically take that much time (this will be another lecture I promise, save that for later). What really disappoints me the most or makes me regret the most staying in Hong Kong for university is that I do not see the ?? (zhao qi) that is found else where including Ethiopia on earth. All that energy is all used on hall functions. Hall becomes the ultimate LIFE. Nirvana. Don’t you realize that the biggest decisions you can make will only affect 200 people most. Hall is only a kindergarten in the long journey of LIFE. It’s not supposed to be a commune, it's not supposed to be a cult, it's supposed to be something that SJC is not. A place of solitude, a place to rest.
Don't even try to sell your concepts when they are incomplete and partially contradictory to themselves at first place. In early nineties the Americans left the teenage centers in the hands of teenagers themselves and now the general public knows that it's a huge mistake. The blind will only lead the blind and be blinder.
Now I'm going to tell you what all these means in MY culture. I see that as an abuse to your life. The objective fact that you will not survive like this "if-you-go-out-and-work-in-this-cruel-world" which is so braggable. Let me tell you something, not even the craziest job demand you to live a life like that. Not even housemenship the most misleading job on earth will take that. Unless you are Tung chee-hwa thinking about how to pull strings in the middle of the night, you do not belong to this kind of inferior efficiency (and life-form). And no matter how hard you try (which is quite stupid anyway) you simply don't.
In the end of the day, it's my life and it's my decision. It's your life and it's your decision. Now here's a suggestion, go get a LIFE hello there's no place on earth that requires you to figure out big ideas 4 hrs away from your time zone, you're not some reddish communists trying to overturn the government, the biggest you can talk about is dealing with 200 people in 6M population in a world class city, which by the way, what world and what class, what on earth for this kind of university students that is exactly doing the opposite of what they should be doing. The keyword today is LIFE. Take it or leave it, I'm trying to get this through, still trying not to give up but everyone has his limits and my limit is that you can take anything away from me on earth but you cannot take away my sleep. And when you do... Hell I don't need to suck up with anyone, why don't YOU start sucking up with me."

and then the 2nd one this morning has been a lot more gracious

"02, good to read that you are getting it all out. that's when we can really
start talking. no i shouldn't be offended at all with what you said and i'm
not. i'm actually glad that you are honest this time, so that i can really hear
what's going on and what you're thinking.
i think the biggest impression of me here is that i dismiss and look down upon
the whole sjc heritage. and you are right, i could have rent a place in a hotel
and that would save everybody's trouble. the reason why i choose to stay here
(and possibly next year) is that i think there are things i don't like, which i
can help changing, AND there are things that i do treasure, which i can keep
contributing and be benefited simultaneously.

when i said "dont even try to sell your values to me", all that i was expressing
was my disappointment in a harsh way, which if i did offend anyone here i
apologize now. the thing is, i see people talk the talk but only a few actually
walk the walk. say, for team spirit, something that we all value. the process
of fighting for a common goal and actually putting effort in it, that's an
undeniable fait accompli. but. for the races that i have seen so far (however
unrepresentative quantitatively you might argue) i see the kind of arrogance
and exclusiveness of stjohnians (aggregately, nobody in particular i'd wish i can say), and how they will woo other teams. right, the sport captain will lead hurrays for other teams, but how many stjohnians actually mean it from the bottom of their heart. training for sports, how many of us is really going down not for the sake for going down (forced duty). how many of us are simply heeding to peer pressure
and getting all bind up by the relative "norm" in here, which in a lot of
cases, it is NOT normal and it is not how the world works. (meeting routines,
sleeping habbits etc) you call that selfishness when people refuse to go when
they don't want to. flip that around, won't you think that the whole intituion
of the institution the alma mata st john's college is de facto selfish itself,
wanting people to glorify Her in every single way and putting all their
remaining time and energy as sacrifices. sacrificing for a community is
different from sacrificing for an artificial and abnormal "norm".

this is how i see the college, may be from an outsider's point of view, but that's
exactly the picture that would be shown to potential-st-johnians (form 6-7's). even though it's an impression, even tho it's superficial you might argue.

image is superficial anyway.

i was shocked when i first came here because i realized that sjc has gone way
toofar to become a commune, a cult, a religion. sjc is something that "you believe
in", and that overweighs everything. by going into trance mode (an interesting term indeed), human nature can lead anyone to do nasty things. when others are
getting all hyped up, you'll be jammed with your insecurity of being different.
in the name of sjc and you can justify bullying, for example. there is only a
thin line between having fun, bullying, suggesting and pressurizing, i think
the significance of this differentiation must be addressed. motto is divine,
goals are arbituary windows to the future, but when there are people, when
people problem comes in, that's when things get uncanny. illness is the most
misused word nowadays, illness means a deviation from a generalized outer bulb
shell social norm. within st john's you might not be considered "ill", but
outside st john's, how outsiders see us, we are very ill; because our role as
university students is not fulfilled (talk about outwardlooking-ness and social
involvement, which is improving now finally), our role as homo sapiens,
sapiens, to try to live in a way we think would be better off, (i.e. getting
enough sleep and maintaining a good health), that is not fulfilled. and the
fact that outsiders see stjohnian's "ill" has destroyed the medal people built
up long time ago. hence, st john's is not as "good" as before, sighs the alumni
who graduated 20 years ago. and hence, they will not want to send their sons
and daughters to stjohn's, not even me living here would completely recommend
the place to strong candidates. would you?

the furthest a dorm should get is an obsession, but sjc has become a compulsion. it
has gone to enslave people, and where does this invisible hand come from? the way i
see it is that it comes from the suppression in high school, the lack of control and personal attention; and the reciprical of that is what is being craved for here at sjc, since this is the first place to be after highschool. i think we need more
individual thinking (mind you, not indivudualistic thinking), what people did in the
past may not be OK to do now. things that were normal in the past may not be normal
today. things that were applied to you may not necessarily be applied to others, no matter how much "growth" or "character building" they have fostered you. here's a
sugguestion, since we have tutors around anyway, why don't we let them participate in orientation (for example) as observers, see how they will react, see what they would say. and if you were bold enough, invite appledaily to come join us, have
an "experience" of a "stjohnian", i'm not sure if we would dare to do that. why? because this place is not normal!

and what are we gonna do? change it. changes are being undertaken, and changes must go on. meanwhile, take the time to think and discuss more."

trapped in the maze of time..11:50 PM


 
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