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and for the umpteenth time...
 
Monday, January 05, 2004  
guess what i actually found stn readable adn fairly amusing off msn.com this morning

When The Vow Breaks
We dissect the top 10
shortest celebrity marriages

By Kat Giantis
MSN Entertainment

Admit it: When you heard Britney Spears had tied the knot in an impulsive Las Vegas ceremony, your first reaction was, "Geez, how long is that gonna last?"

In Hollywood, where "until death do us part" often means "until the publicity dies down" or "until I meet someone more famous," star-studded vows usually come with an expiration date. Sure, there are famous couples who endure, but who wants to hear about them? We crave the dirty details of those quickie unions that disintegrate in months, days, or, in the case of Britney's now-infamous nuptials to childhood chum Jason Allen Alexander, hours.

With that in mind, we've combed through the multitude of minute marriages to bring you 10 that truly failed to stand the test of time:


10. Jennifer Lopez & Cris Judd
Married: Sept. 29, 2001
Split after nine months

"I've been married twice but I haven't had a marriage yet," Jennifer Lopez has said. The megastar's connubial claim was probably news to first husband Ojani Noa, whom she divorced in 1998 after just a year, and sophomore hubby Cris Judd, the bald-pated choreographer who lasted nine months in J. Lo's white-hot orbit. Undeterred by Liz Taylor comparisons, the diva accepted a 6.1-carat pink diamond engagement ring from Ben Affleck months before her divorce was finalized (wedded bliss still eludes them). And while love don't cost a thing, divorce sure does: Judd reportedly pocketed $15 million.

9. Drew Barrymore & Tom Green
Married: July 6, 2001
Split after five months

Drew Barrymore's second marriage lasted eight times longer than her first, which would be impressive if her 1994 match to Jeremy Thomas hadn't gone belly-up after 19 days. From the start, Barrymore's endlessly teased union to Tom Green seemed jinxed: the dorky comedian was diagnosed with testicular cancer, and the couple barely escaped a fire that destroyed Barrymore's home. Soon, the relationship also went up in flames. "I recommend that people don't get in high-profile marriages," a bitter Green said after the split. Barrymore, who says she's not looking for a band of gold from Strokes drummer Fabrizio Moretti, remains upbeat: "I am so in love with love."

8. Shannen Doherty & Ashley Hamilton
Married: Sept. 24, 1993
Split after five months

The bride allegedly pulled a gun on a former fiancé; the groom was a recent rehab grad. But after a two-week courtship, Beverly Hills, 90210 bad girl Shannen Doherty, 22, and 19-year-old Ashley Hamilton (son of perma-tanned actor George) got hitched in a BYOB ceremony in which the barefoot bride wore a silk bathrobe. By February, the honeymoon was over, with Hamilton accusing the actress of threatening him with a pistol. Still, neither Doherty nor Hamilton had had enough of impulsive "I do's." Hamilton's 1996 marriage to Angie Everhart lasted three tumultuous months, while Doherty's 2002 union to Rick Salamon (who found infamy this year thanks to his videotaped exploits with former girlfriend Paris Hilton) went kerplooey after eight months, though they have enjoyed the occasional reconciliation.

7. Colin Farrell & Amelia Warner
Married: July 17, 2001
Split after four months

Hard to believe Colin Farrell ever wanted to settle down. But in July 2001, the serial playboy, who's canoodled with everyone from Demi Moore to Angelina Jolie, wed 19-year-old actress Amelia Warner in Bora Bora. Though Farrell permanently etched "Millie," his bride's nickname, on his ring finger, their endless love survived a mere four months. "Too fast, too young," said the Irish lothario. Fortunately, divorce proved a snap: turns out their marriage wasn't legal. Insists Farrell, "I'm into casual sex now."

6. Nicolas Cage & Lisa Marie Presley
Married: Aug. 10, 2002
Split after 3½ months

You'd think someone who was Mrs. Michael Jackson for an awe-inspiring 20 months could make any relationship work. Nope. Though Lisa Marie Presley pledged to love Nicolas Cage tender forever, matrimony left them all shook up. Elvis' little girl and the Oscar winner (who had twice paid homage to the King on screen) threw in the trousseau after three months. "We shouldn't have been married in the first place. It was a big mistake," said Lisa Marie, who never moved in with Cage. While the split might have seemed sudden, there were red flags, including reports that Presley's $65,000 engagement ring was flung from Cage's yacht during an argument (it's still unclear whether Lisa or Nic did the flinging) and that she had pushed the star into auctioning off his beloved million-dollar comic-book collection.

5. Ernest Borgnine & Ethel Merman
Married: June 26, 1964
Split after 32 days

The coupling of thrice-wed Broadway belter Ethel Merman and twice-wed Oscar-winner Ernest Borgnine is one of the kookiest in Hollywood history. The unlikely duo's knot began unraveling on their honeymoon, when, according to Borgnine, he garnered the lion's share of fan attention, which left Merman seething. "By the time we got home, it was hell on earth," he recalled in 2001. "And after 32 days I said to her, 'Madam, bye.'" But things weren't exactly coming up roses for the Merm: she was allegedly subjected to the silent and deadly "Dutch Oven," which involved Borgnine releasing toxic fumes in bed while trapping her under the sheets. Merman, who never again married, devoted a chapter of her autobiography to the Borgnine marriage: It consisted of one blank page.

4. Dennis Rodman & Carmen Electra
Married: Nov. 14, 1998
Split after nine days

It wasn't the wedding gift Dennis Rodman and Carmen Electra had in mind. One day after they pledged their troth in Las Vegas, the b-ball bad boy's agent questioned the validity of the nuptials, claiming The Worm was "deeply intoxicated" and hinting that the former Baywatch babe had "ulterior motives." Rodman, whose previous marriage lasted 82 days, defended his bride: "I love Carmen and am proud to be married to her." Nine days later, Rodman filed for an annulment, citing fraud and an unsound mind. The pair remained on-again, off-again until their November 1999 battery arrest in Miami, when they were officially off -- again.

3. Cher & Gregg Allman
Married: July 9, 1975
Split after nine days

Three days after divorcing Sonny Bono, Cher said "I Got You, Babe" to Gregg Allman in Las Vegas. "One Sunday morning I woke up and she said, 'I got this Lear jet and Nevada ain't too far away. Why don't we get married?'" the rocker explained. Cher reportedly cried all the way home from the ceremony. Nine days later, fed up with Allman's heroin and alcohol problems, she filed for divorce. "I believe it's best to admit one's mistakes as quickly as possible," Cher said. The pair reconciled after Allman sobered up, but their romance finally fizzled three years later, leaving in its wake one bad album ("Two the Hard Way") and son Elijah Blue.

2. Dennis Hopper & Michelle Phillips
Married: Oct. 31, 1970
Split after eight days

You know your marriage isn't off to a good start when your new bride asks, "Have you considered suicide?" So went the eight-day union of Dennis Hopper and Michelle Phillips. During the brief conjugal co-habitation, the wild-man actor allegedly kept the Mamas & Papas beauty handcuffed so she couldn't run away (Hopper later claimed Phillips was the one with the cuffs). Years later, both were sentimental about their whiplash coupling, which was solemnized on Halloween (insert joke here). Quipped Hopper, "Seven of those days were pretty good. The eighth day was the bad one," while Phillips remembered them as "the happiest eight days of my life."

1. Rudolph Valentino & Jean Acker
Married: November 1919
Split after six hours

For someone nicknamed "The Great Lover," Valentino struck out big time with his first wife, actress Jean Acker. Six hours after pledging to stay together in good times and in bad, they put their vows to the test ... and failed miserably. The bride locked Valentino out of their honeymoon suite. He knocked for 20 minutes before heading home. Acker claimed in divorce proceedings that the marriage was never consummated and that she'd dumped the sex symbol for another woman. Legend has it that Valentino, who died in 1926 at age 31, remembered his ex in his will, bequeathing her the sum of one dollar.


trapped in the maze of time..6:39 PM


 
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