Saturday, March 23, 2002
love the new virtual graffitti screen by sony.
so here i am again. 11:30pm. i'm lost, again, just as i'm always lost. something that i'm not sure if i could let go. i'm not sure if i could let go of the pain. the pain keeps me concious. i have too much obligations, promises to keep. i have too much to think of. "much to do about nothing" caught in the middle of a junction. i look back with tears. and i look at the left, then to the right, then to the left, right, left, right with pure insecurity. my legs are shaking, my mind is oula control. what if.... there're too much possibilities, so satuated that i'd prefer none. that's part of the circle of life, rite?
this is not the biggest, but it's big enough to change my life forever. i seemed prepared, but sometimes i seemed i don't; nor would i ever be? who knows. then it all comes down to personal preference, it all comes down to destiny (mind u, i'm a christian) or in other words, god's plan. he's got the best plan for me, yeah, but that might not be superficially benefectial to be, and that's what i don't want. i'm running out of patience. and tolerance. there're times when we have no control on anything. or do we need control? what's the point. all u have to do, and or u CAN do, is to do yer best. define best. "ichibanyokuyou", yeah, but nanihoto ichiban toiudekita? it's only comparably the "best", a scenario subjectively limited to yer vision. u never know what is meant by doing yer best. and simply claiming to have done the best, is overstating the divine level of "best". the one who invented this -er -est system is brainless. (it's a french, i remember i read that somewhere)